How many posts am i to start with stating the fact, that there is no person more violent and selfish than me?
How the hell do i manage to f.k up everything?
Why am i so ruthless?

The fact is- i am so f.ked up.

"I can be so mean when i wanna be,
I am capable of really anything,
I'll cut you into peaces
When my heart is

The other fact is- I never mean to hurt!
I am dying myself, in the first place..

So, i am on holidays, and stayed at home for the day, wanted to spent it roller-blading, self beauty restoring after a month of not caring at all,etc..
but it was raining, i could not sleep as neighbours were undertaking some works, so woke up not in the best of the moods. Moreover the last night on my question whether he is coming home the other night or going to salsa, he replied that he is to go to salsa, and he had fallen asleep..
nonetheless, in the morning i found his salsa shoes and somehow was so sure that he will come home...
...i spent days cleaning cooking.. in one phrase- getting ready for him to come to me..
in the end, of course, he decided to go to salsa...
funny enough, never forecasted shit storm for today, still, shit storm it was.

i yelled, i cried, its unbelievable what a monster i am once "my heart is broken"..
i am so afraid of loosing him, i am so stupid.
thats the straightest way to loosing my everything,..
its killing me how i hurt him
but i cant control it.

@музыка: pink, dont leave me

@настроение: fly me to the moon

@темы: Family life (zhizn semeynaya)